FALLING OUT

I had this dilemma which dawned on me early February and I only made sense of why I was feeling that way last week. I didn't want to write about it because I might come off as downright mean but you be the judge. Here goes nothing.

I have this friend who I have known for close to 8 years. She's a simple girl who lives a simple life but early this year, I found myself annoyed by some of the things she does.  Like when she speaks in Jejemon linggo.  A little jejemon, I can tolerate but to actually make it part of everyday conversion, I cringe! Some of you are probably saying that I should talk to her about it, but how?  How do you ask someone to stop being so...so...jejemon-ish?

It also irked me that she passed on a, what I think, was a great opportunity to earn more just because she felt she couldn't work with the schedule. She's a mother and her husband doesn't have a stable job so I know that she could really really use the added income. I also know that she wants to send her son to a much better school.

Now I feel like I'm falling out of friendship with her, and I don't like it one bit.  I've broken up with friends before but that's because they were people who brought me down, betrayed my trust or were just toxic to be around with.  She isn't any of that.

So for like a month, I kept asking myself why I was feeling that way.  Why I was nitpicking her.

And then last week, the answer came to me while I was sharing this particular problem with one of my closest friends, April.

And the answer is this: She never changed.

You see, growing up, my parents always reminded me to choose my friends.  At first I thought they were being discriminating but it didn't take very long for me to understand what they meant.  It meant that I should choose to surround myself with people who will inspire me and motivate me.  People who have a zest for life, people who are eager to learn new things and who are constantly trying to improve themselves in one way or another.

And you know what? I think I did a good job.  Looking at my closest friends now, they're all incredible.  Kookie is successfully pursuing a dream to be a make-up artist and Charo has been helping make the world a better place in her own little ways.  Then there's Bea who now runs faster than me. Hahaha!  Do you know that my friend, Carla makes her own mayo, ketchup, ice cream and peanut butter?  April is hell-bent on getting her sexy back and she's been working out like crazy.  She also designs wrapping paper.  There's Lia who makes these awesome and surprisingly good smoothies made out of raw vegetables and fruits and her twin, Mia, is a wonderful housewife who I can always count on for arts and crafts for the kids and the home.  There are a few others who I will not mention anymore but it all comes down to this:

Each of my closest friends have their own "thing". They all make the most out of life and they are continuously learning and trying new things.  Doesn't matter to me if they failed, the point is they tried. Most of all, they are genuinely good people who have been nothing but wonderful to me and Joaquin.  And yes, they also have a bit of crazy in them which makes them even more fun and interesting.  And I have to admit, sometimes scary. Hehe!

Anyhoo, so that's why I feel like I am falling out of friendship with my other friend-- because in the years I have known her, she has not changed. As in she's in the same job and she has not tried or done anything new and is refusing to improve the quality of her life. Lately, I find myself running out of things to talk about with her.  I mean, she doesn't play any sport, doesn't really read books, doesn't write, doesn't watch movies, doesn't go out with friends, doesn't have any particular interest. Snoozefest. I feel that she is complacent and mediocre, and I don't know about you but when you reach a certain age, you're pretty much sure of the kind of life you want to live and the kind of people that you want to be in it.

Don't get me wrong, I am content and happy with the life that has been given to me but that doesn't mean that I can no longer make it better. Just because I am content doesn't mean that I have given up on my dreams. I want to do more and be more while I still can.  After all, (haters gonna hate) YOLO. Hahaha!

So tell me, am I being shallow?

RECIPE: LONGGANISA and SPINACH PASTA

If you're a fan of reality cooking competitions, you'll be familiar with challenges where they provide the contestants with crazy ingredients and ask them to turn it into something mind-blowing.

I kind of gave myself the exact same challenge last Saturday.

I didn't wake up early enough to go to the market. I checked the ref and I had 4 pieces of longganisa hamonado and some spinach.

It was close to lunch and I decided to just make do with those 2 key ingredients. This dish turned out absolutely yummy and as with most pasta dishes, it tasted better the next day.

LONGGANISA SPINACH PASTA

Ingredients:

cooked pasta (I used about 400 grams)
olive oil
8 garlic cloves, minced
1 white onion, minced
chili flakes (optional)
4 pcs. longganisa, minced
a bunch of spinach leaves, chiffonade
salt and pepper
250 ml all purpose cream
grated parmesan cheese

1. Cook pasta accordingly. Set aside.
2. Heat some olive oil in a pan (if you want it a little spicy, this is when you add the chili flakes so it infuses with the olive oil) and add the longganisa. Fry until it turns golden brown.
3. Toss in the garlic and onions. Be careful not to burn them. Saute until the onions turn translucent.
4. Add the spinach. Give it a minute to get settled :)
5. Season with salt and pepper.
6. Pour the cream.
7. Add the cooked pasta. Fold pasta and sauce together using tongs.
8. Sprinkle a generous amount of grated parmesan cheese while mixing pasta. Turn off heat and eat!

Bon appetit!

RECIPE: DARK CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES

This may sound silly but when I became a mother, I wanted my home to always have homemade goodies available for my kids.

And since I purchased an oven last December, I have somehow been able to live that dream.

2 weeks ago, Joaquin and I made butterscotch brownies.  When I got home Friday night, there was only one bar left.

I have a few dark chocolate bars at home which I, for some reason, don't feel like eating anymore so I chopped them up and decided to bake some dark chocolate chip cookies.  This is, by far, the best choco chip cookie recipe I've tried.

DARK CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES
Recipe from Apple A Day
Makes approximately 3 dozens

Ingredients: 

3/4 c. unsalted butter, softened 

3/4 c. brown sugar 

1/4 c. granulated sugar 

1 egg 

2 tsp. vanilla extract 

2 c. all purpose flour 

2 tsp. cornstarch 

1 tsp. baking soda 

1/2 tsp. salt 

1 c. dark chocolate chunks

Directions:

1.  Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

2.  Using a mixer, cream together butter and sugar until fluffy and light in color. Add egg and vanilla and blend in.

3.  Mix in flour, cornstarch, baking soda and salt. Stir in chocolate chunks.

4.  Drop dough (by the tablespoon) onto a prepared baking sheet.  Bake for 8-10 minutes, until barely golden brown around the edges. 

P.S.
As of this writing, the cookies are all gone.  

Interviewed an applicant today,

Me: What do you do during your free time? Any hobbies or interests? Do you play a sport?
Applicant: I like to read e-books.
Me: Oh that's nice.  What kind of books do you read?
Applicant: Real-life stories and romance novels.
Me: Ah, so you're a lover or fiction and non-fiction. So what's your ultimate favorite book?
Applicant: Fiction.

*facepalm*

Eventually (after much prodding), she said her favorite book was entitled "The Diary" and she did not know the author.

Labo, men.!

THE GOAL

Hahahahaha!!!

Ang taba mo, 2009!

LOVE vs. FOOD

Was lined up at the counter of the 7-11 outside the village this morning when I heard 2 guys talking,

Guy 1: Pare, yung 100 pesos mo, ibili mo na lang ng pagkain kesa sa load.

Guy 2: Yung load pag may katext ka, kikiligin ka. Yung pagkain, wala.

Ahh, love wins. Always. 

SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME

2002. Or 2003. I can't remember anymore.  All I know is that my boyfriend had just dropped me off from my friend, Kookie's birthday in Grilla, Makati and there, parked on the street across from my house was my ex. The Ex.

I can't remember the last time I spoke to him but for the past couple of months he had been texting and calling me and I did nothing but pretend he didn't exist.  I was working for a clothing store in Rockwell then and he was in law school in Ateneo which was in the same area.  I would sometimes see him pace back and forth the facade of the store searching for me but I would bend my head down and pretend to be engrossed in work.

We were both in serious relationships with other people and it just didn't seem right to still stay in touch or see each other.

"What are you doing here?", I asked.

"Buns, I'm getting married tomorrow. She's pregnant. I've been wanting to talk to you but you have obviously been ignoring me."

Congratulations! You're going to be a dad and a husband!, I answered.

"It should have been you. It should have been you", he said over and over again.

I looked at him and was surprised to see that he was crying (I've never seen him cry before) and not really surprised because I have always felt that he loved me.

"Tell me I'm wrong, tell me that I'm making a mistake by marrying her tomorrow and I won't do it."

Still couldn't muster the courage to say anything.

"It should have been you, Buns. It should have been you."

He put his arms around me, and I could feel the light sobs pounding through his chest, but I couldn't find it in my heart to hug him back.

He gave me one last hug and then he drove away.

And that's when I cried.
------------------------

I wish I could say that this didn't really happen, that this was a scene from a screenplay I once wrote.  But it did happen.  I was looking for something in one of my drawers at home this morning and an old picture of me and him surfaced and this particular memory did too.

I've never written about it and only very few people know.  But in the spirit of Valentine's (hey's it's still February!), I'm going to let it out.

He married her.  Of course he did.  And for a couple of years, I thought about that moment all the time. Wondered if I made the right decision.  Wondered what would have happened if I told him not to marry her.

Because much as I don't want to admit it, he was my greatest love. Still is.

All I can tell you is that this is a chapter in the book of my life that has remained shut for so long and I intend to keep it that way.

Something in the universe just told me to take a little peek today so I can share it with you.

WILL GRAYSON, WILL GRAYSON

I love John Green (he's my current favorite author). I also love David Levithan of Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist.  So when I saw this book with both their names on the cover I just snatched it.

As the title suggests, it's a story about 2 teenage boys who share the same name.  That's pretty much the only thing they have in common but as luck would have it, their paths cross and suddenly their lives are intertwined.  

And then there's Tiny Cooper. Big, gay and shameless Tiny Cooper who is the real gem in this story. 

It's just brilliant how these 2 authors with different writing styles can collaborate and come up with something so seamless and well-blended.  Will Grayson, Will Grayson is honest, real and loaded with absolutely wicked humor. 

But what I loved most about this book was how it was filled with wonderful lessons on friendship--a theme I feel has been hard to find in most good books these days (it doesn't always have to be about true love).  I loved that the be-all and end-all of the story was not about someone performing a grand gesture or professing love.  It was simply about loving and accepting people who have always been there for you.

My favorite Will Grayson has to be Levithan's coz that kid is just all spunk. But credit has to be given to Green for the character that is Tiny Cooper.

Here are some pretty much all of my favorite quotes:

“Maybe there's something you're afraid to say, or someone you're afraid to love, or somewhere you're afraid to go. It's gonna hurt. It's gonna hurt because it matters.” 

"I mean, Jesus, who even gives a fuck about sex?! People act like it's the most important thing humans do, but come on. How can our sentient fucking lives revolve around something slugs can do......You know what's important? Who would you die for? Who do you wake up at five forty-five in the morning for even though you don't even know why he needs you? Whose drunken nose would you pick?!” 

“this is why we call people exes, I guess - because the paths that cross in the middle end up separating at the end. it's too easy to see an X as a cross-out. it's not, because there's no way to cross out something like that. the X is a diagram of two paths.” 

“Being in a relationship, that's something you choose. Being friends, that's just something you are. . . [But] I do pick you. . . We've been friends too long to pick, but if we could pick, I'd pick you.” 

“All sorts of yayness floods my brain. Love is such a drug.” 

“Tiny Cooper is not the world's gayest person, and he is not the world's largest person, but I believe he may be the world's largest person who is really, really gay, and also the world's gayest person who is really, really large.”

“You know what’s a great metaphor for love? Sleeping beauty. Because you have to plow through this incredible thicket of thorns in order to get to beauty, and even then, when you get there, you still have to wake her up.

“The pure and simple truth 
Is rarely pure and never simple.
What's a boy to do
When lies and truth are both sinful?” 

“rolf! what? are you really rolling on the floor laughing? well, please stay down there for a sec while I KICK YOUR ASS.” 

"The things you hope for the most are the things that destroy you in the end."

“dating you would be like a series of unnecessary root canals interspersed with occasional makeout sessions.”

“Shouldn't letting go be painless if you've never learned how to hold on?”

"< 3 You think that looks like a heart? If you do, that's only because you've never seen scrotum.” 

“you’d think that silence would be peaceful. but really, it’s painful.” 

“Random questions are the least random of all questions.” 

"Being gay is not an excuse for being a dick.” 

“me: you know what sucks about love?
o.w.g.: what?
me: that it's so tied to the truth.” 

“I'm not asexual. I'm arelationshipal.” 

you know, how people say it's good luck if a bird shits on you? and people believe it! i just want to grab them and say, 'dude, don't you realize this whole superstition was made up because no one could think of anything else good to say to a person who'd just been shit upon?” 

“Compromise is when you do what I tell you and I do what I want."

"Hurt tends to drown out sorry."

“I just think if you don't say the honest thing, sometimes the honest thing never becomes true"

“there's no such thing as a fuck cure. a fuck cure is like the adult version of santa claus” 

"Need is never a good basis for a relationship. It has to be much more than that."

“You like someone who can’t like you back because unrequited love can be survived in a way that once-requited love cannot.” 

"Not that smart. Not that hot. Not that nice. Not that funny. That's me: I'm not that."

"I will admit there's a certain degree of giving a fuck that goes into not giving a fuck. By saying you don’t care if the world falls apart, in some small way you’re saying you want it to stay together, on your terms."

"This is what I never allow myself to need. And of course I've been needing it all along."

"1. Don’t care too much. 2. Shut up. Everything unfortunate that has ever happened to me has stemmed from failure to follow one of the rules."

"Some people have lives. Some people have music."

"She kisses like a sweet devouring and I don't know where to touch her because I want all of her."

"Anything that happens at once is just as likely to un-happen all at once."

Read the book, guys! It's worth it, I promise!

HAPPY VALENTINE'S!

Thanks to Skip To My Lou for the awesome printables which helped me with Joaquin's valentine gifts for his classmates and teachers!

And this is for my favorite co-workers!

Coz admit it or not, we all are.

                                 

I can't remember my last romantic Valentine's and that should probably make me a grouch by now but how could it when I have always felt loved. Love has and will always be around, if only we know where to look.

As for me, I feel overflowing love from my son, my family and my friends. I even feel it in the 'likes' I get on Facebook and Instagram. Or when strangers smile at you (not the manyak smile, ha.).  

Love is everywhere. Give it. Receive it.

Happy Valentine's, everyone!  Hope today makes you extra mushy and a little more giddy! Mwah!

----------------------------
"And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make."--The Beatles

MY FIRST 21K

A couple of days before my first half marathon, I posted on Facebook that my gameplan was to run like Channing Tatum and Ryan Gosling were waiting for me at the finish line.

Well, well.

My 21k went off to a bad start.  My hydration belt fell at the beginning of the race (maybe I didn't strap it on tightly) and there was a slew of runners behind me so I had to stop, step aside and fix it.  3 kilometers later and I had to use the portalet to pee.

I tried to be oblivious to the fact that so many runners were going past me. I knew I could run faster but I also knew that doing that would just exhaust me so early on in the race.  During the first half of the run, I kept telling myself that:

1. This is my first 21k.
2. I am not competing with anyone, only with myself.
3. I must stick to my gameplan-- run at my own pace. (which is 8-9mins per kilometer)

Things started getting tricky during the last 7 kilometers.  I found myself reaching for the gummy bears I had brought with me.  My calves were getting stiff and each time the sole of my shoes would hit the pavement, I felt the blisters ballooning.

I saw a few runners at the side of road being attended to by medics.  Their legs were getting massaged and rubbed with ointment and I was jealous! Every muscle in my body was tempted to stop but I didn't.  I walked for a couple of minutes though because I recognizd the oh so familiar twinge of cramps creeping in. When I felt my legs relax, I ran again.

The official results came out today and I finished my first 21k in 3 hours and 11 minutes (kept my 9min/km pace, yippiee!).  I'm pretty proud because I was expecting to finish at 3:30.  If my hydration belt didn't fall and if I didn't have to go #1, then I would have finished earlier but still good, yeah? YEAH!

Seasoned runners probably have a deeper more intricate interpretation of finishing strong but I'd like to say I did because, hellooo, I can still walk! Hahaha!

Will I do it again? Hell yeah!  Will I run a full marathon next year? Hell.....not yet!

Tada! *pats myself on the back*