Macopa

When was the last time you had one?

WHY MY HEART BROKE A LITTLE LAST FRIDAY NIGHT

I was getting Joaquin ready for bed but he wouldn't listen...

Me: How will you be a big boy?
Joaquin: Tito J is a big boy
Me: You still remember Tito J?
Joaquin: Yes!
Me: Did you like Tito J?
Joaquin: Yes!
Me: Why?
Joaquin: Because he go faster when the light is green and he go slower when it's red. It means stop.

It was a little game J would play with Joaquin in the car. He would ask my son to look at the stoplight and he would wait for Joaquin's cue to go or stop.

It broke my heart a little that my son has a very distinct and quite cute memory of J.

REQUEST

Before bedtime last night:

Me: Joaquin, look at Mama.

(little boy looks at me)

Me: Mama will tell you something, ha?  Please don't ever leave me.

Joaquin: Okay.

Revisited my secret blog today with a motive, which did not fall through.  Instead, I wrote:

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I came here today with the very distinct intent to take this blog out, to shut it down.

I re-read every single entry.  It's worse than I remembered.

Writing has always been my release and this is what's incredible about writing down how you feel when you're in the middle of something you can't seem to get a way out of--one day you can look back on what you wrote and realize that you got through it, particularly when you never thought you could.

So I'm not taking this down.  Instead, it will stay. I am keeping this blog.

Because one day, when things get tough again for whatever reason, all I need to do is come here and I know that re-reading every entry will be a good and simple reminder that there are happy endings.  Sometimes, going over how painful something felt and knowing that you overcame it is actually helpful.

I guess failure instills something positive in each of us.

Till then,
Bunny

CARAMOAN: 5 ISLANDS, 2 DAYS

Gad, this post is looong overdue.

Hang on, let me just put my earphones on and play my beach playlist before I start writing this entry.

Ohkay, here we go.

I could tell you that Airphil kind of ruined our itinerary by changing our ETD for Naga to 850am instead of 6am.  You see, travel time from Naga to Caramoan takes 3-4 hours.

The view from Sabang Port

Naga to Sabang Port: 1 hour
Sabang Port to Guijalo Port: 2 hours
Waiting for the boat to get filled up, finding a cab, bathroom breaks, etc: approx. 45 mins

The view from Guijalo Port

We were told that the last boat going to Guijalo Port would leave at noon, so instead of going to the van/bus terminal from the airport, we decided to hire a cab so we can get to Sabang Port faster.  Super bummer because we ended up spending so much more.  The van fare from the terminal to Sabang is only Php100. Cab fares from the airport to Sabang is usually Php1500 but we were able to bring it down to Php1100.

When we got to Sabang Port, we couldn't find the boat to Guijalo. We were told that because of the waves, the boat to Guijalo had to dock (?) somewhere in the middle of the sea.  So for Php150, we had to rent this little bangka to take us out to sea.

Our little boat

Koyaaaa!

When we got to the boat, we had to wait for a little under an hour for more passengers.  Then we started the 2-hour journey to Guijalo Port.  (Sabang to Guijalo boat fare: Php120)

We got off the port of Guijalo a little past 2pm, where we were met by our tricycle driver  (Kuya Mike) and he took us to our home for the weekend, Traveler's Camp.  We loved our stay there!  The package we got (Php4500 per person) included accommodations for 3 days and 2 nights, full board meals and island hopping.  They did not disappoint.  AT ALL!  The meals were sooooo good!!! It was just me and Carla but the servings could feed 4 people. May unlimited coffee and milo pa! Winner!

Our "soshal" room with LV sheets and LCD TV (not in photo). Hahaha!  Was not able to take photos of the food because we ate it all!

After checking in, we had a quick lunch, changed into our beachwear and took off!

ISLAND #1: Matukad Island

I've read about a secret lagoon in Matukad Island hidden behind a rock wall that you need to scale.  So I asked our boatman about it and he showed me where it was.  The wall was approximately 20-25 feet.  I was up for the challenge, so up up and away I went.

This gave me an adrenalin rush that I haven't felt in a long time

This is what greeted me when I reached the top. Gorgeous, right?

   

ISLAND #2: Cagbalinad Island

I didn't take a lot of photos here because I was busy drinking wine. Sorrryy! Hahaha!

HULI!!!

ISLAND #3: Cotivas Island

Possibly my favorite island because of it's soft brown sand.  Plus the water is blue in different kind of hues.

May beach na, may buko pa!

ISLAND #4: Manlawi Sandbar

The largest sandbar I have eveerr seeeen!!!

High tide

Low tide

 

Aiming for a jumpshot

Ayun!

ISLAND #5: Sabitang Laya

It was drizzling on our way to this island and it didn't stop. Since we couldn't laze in the sand, we decided to just walk around the island.

Off the beaten path.  

Another beach at the back of the island

These rocks were sooo huge!

We had a really good trip.  Caramoan is pristine and gorgeous and everything Boracay is not.  I intend to take Joaquin there next year. Magsawa siya sa beach! :)

This trip really gave me the diversion I needed.  It reminded me of how much life my life has.

And so, I'm baaaaccckk! Sooo back! :)

P.S.
If you would like the contact information of Traveler's Camp, see photo below.  Ask for Jun Padua.

I have a secret blog.  I've been writing in it for the past 4 or 5 months, I think.  They are basically unsent letters to J.  I'm contemplating on whether it's time to take it down.

It's been close to 2 weeks since I last wrote there.  Here is the "letter" I wrote today.  I think this will also be the last I letter I will write.

(After this, I will try to squeeze in time to write about my fabulous trip!)
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I didn't think I would still write here.

Oh well, maybe this will be the last.  Maybe.

Whatever heartache I had left, I buried in one of the islands in Caramoan.  Actually, I may have left it in NAIA last Friday when I departed for Naga.

I had a wonderful trip. My boss was right, that was all I needed-- some time to get lost to find myself. Some time to derail from the routine of life, so I can get myself back on track.

And you know what, I'm not just okay, I'm actually happy.  Again.

Without your love.  Again.

I still get asked what happened.  Not wanting to get into details because I don't want to talk about it anymore, I shrug and just say, "it's a long story".  But truthfully, the reason can be summed up in 2 words-- you left.  It's as simple as that.

I still love you.  You have no idea how much I do.  But I love myself  more.

And that is more than enough.

Enough to realize that I am a lot stronger than what I give myself credit for, and that I deserve to be with someone who will be stronger for me.  Enough to know that I gave you everything I could and that I was willing to give more, had you let me.  Enough to understand that you just didn't love me the same way I loved you.  Enough to admit that painful truth.  Enough to accept that maybe we are really better off as just friends.  

Enough to learn from all this.

:)

YOUNG, WILD AND FREE

Earlier this month, my boss suggested that I make travel plans so I can take a breather from everything.  God must love me so much because the next day, a guardian angel disguised as a friend bought me and a friend of my choice roundtrip tickets to Naga.

I've been playing happy songs all morning (hence, the title of this blog entry).  Because tomorrow, my very good friend Carla and I will be in Caramoan.  I can finally take the Caramoan Peninsula off my bucket list.

It's been a sad week for me because a lot of people I care for are also going through hard times.  A dear Aunt passed away last Friday.  A very good friend's 2-year relationship with her boyfriend ended.  Another very good friend's 8-year-old business is on the verge of closing down.

January 2012 seems to be all about saying goodbye.  For a very good reason, I hope.

But let's not delve on that for now.

Because I AM SOOOOOOOOOO EXCITEEEDDD FOR TOMORRRROOWWW!!!

Cheers to staying young, wild (in a good way) and free!!!

Will write about my trip when I get back :)

Toodles!

I'VE LEARNED

A very good friend sent this to me a couple of days ago.  It's very much worth sharing :)
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I've Learned by Wendy Butler
That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.
That when you’re in love, it shows.
That just one person saying to me, “You’ve made my day!” makes my day.
That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

That being kind is more important than being right.
That you should never say no to a gift from a child.
That I can always pray for someone when I don’t have the strength to help him in some other way.
That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.

That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.
That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.
That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
That we should be glad God doesn’t give us everything we ask for.

That money doesn’t buy class.
That it’s those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.
That under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.
That the Lord didn’t do it all in one day. What makes me think I can?

That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.
That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.
That love, not time, heals all wounds.
That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.

That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.
That there’s nothing sweeter than sleeping with your babies and feeling their breath on your cheeks.
That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.
That life is tough, but I’m tougher.

That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.
That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her, one more time, before she passed away.
That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
That I can’t choose how I feel, but I can choose what I do about it.
That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you’re hooked for life.
That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing it.

That it is best to give advice in only two circumstances; when it is requested and when it is a life-threatening situation.
That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

Just when I thought I had no more tears left to shed...







Here we go again.

After 32 years, 6 relationships and 5 break-ups with me always being the dumpee (can't count Jason coz he passed away) you'd think by now I would know how to cope with heartbreak.  You'd think.  But I don't.  I guess it just goes to show that no matter how old we get, we'll never truly be old enough to know better.

Don't get me wrong, I understand that each relationship is different, taking into account that each of them happened with different people, at a different time, when I was a different person.

But when you're always the dumpee and never the dumper, it's all pretty much the same, really.  It's someone declaring that they have changed the way they feel about you, and not in a good way.  It's someone giving up on you, and the emotions that stem from someone you love walking away from you is never pretty.  When someone you deem important to your life slams the door to their heart in your face, it is nothing short of painful.

And just the same, just like the others who have left you, you are left with nothing to do but grieve, pick up the pieces and charge everything to experience.

I've been going out a lot lately.  A little too much.  I think am terrified of being alone.  So I grab every opportunity to indulge in a few hours of revelry so I can consign myself to oblivion.  As an attempt to forget, even for awhile.  Yet even when I'm talking to someone, drinking or partying, my real feelings always finds a way of resurfacing.  It also doesn't help that I see him in little mundane things like green ribbons, burritos, hard-bound books, coke and my earphones.  I've also been trying to not use the nice pen he gave me.  Just so I can forget.

And then there's that magazine article about my relationship with him that's supposed to come out this month.  And I've been praying that by some stroke of luck, they decide not to publish it.  I don't need another reminder.    

I also stopped communicating with him.  It's been over a week now.  I'm struggling.  Everyday, I fight a battle with myself because a huge part of me wants to pick up my phone, call him and ask him how he is.  And the only thing that stops me each time I get the urge to call or text him is this: He hasn't gotten in touch with me either.

When we broke up, I told myself that I should be okay in a week.  But it's been close to 2 weeks and though I no longer cry every 15 minutes, sadness has not eluded me.  I know I will get better, it's just a matter of when. 

I don't think I'll ever really be old enough to know better. And maybe that also means that I'll never be old enough to love.  Again.