Vanity strikes from the back of a trike.

A STICKY SITUATION

And quite yummy, too!

Halloween is my favorite holiday next to Christmas because everyone gets to be crazier than normal and the kids get goodies.

Candies are always fun, but hardly anyone gives out homemade treats these days.  I am currently always on a tight budget so I wanted to make something cheap but delicious.  I almost always have popcorn at home because, I reaaalllyyy love popcorn.(You can ask my friend, Charo. She'll tell you.)  Popcorn is inexpensive and healthy, and if you're feeling indulgent (which is pretty much all the time for me), just add melted butter or a sprinkle of truffle salt and you've got yourself a good snack.

For this year's halloween treat, I decided to make some popcorn marshmallow pops. Here's what you'll need to yield a little over 50 pieces:

1 bar of butter (not a stick, a bar)
500 gms of popcorn kernels
400 gms of marshmallows
salt
Optional: rainbow sprinkles or m&m's

Of course, cook the popcorn.  While the popcorn's cooking, melt the butter in a large bowl in the microwave (you can also use the stove. Whichever way you decide to melt it, be careful not to burn it).   Place popcorn in a large bowl or tray once cooked.

Once the butter has melted, throw in the marshmallows and some salt, and put it back in the microwave for a minute or until marshmallows have melted.  Your marshmallow and butter mixture should look somewhat like this:

Pour that over your popcorn, add your sprinkles or in my case, chocolate candies, then mix lightly to coat.  You might want to use spoons to coat the popcorn as the mixture is hot.

Once the popcorn has cooled, lightly grease your hands with butter as things are about to get sticky.  Shape popcorn into balls, stick a popsicle stick in the middle and that's it!

Trick or treat!

TEACHER'S DAY

It was teacher's day last October 5 and although Joaquin only has 2 teachers and 1 therapist, my son named 3 more people he would like to give teacher's day gifts to. I had a budget of Php50 (max) per person and I didn't want to give something generic, like a cupcake or hand lotion. I wanted to give potted plants, with flowers preferably. It would be something nice to grow and keep inside the classroom, or at their desk.

The potted flower plants were expensive but I found potted cactus plants for 3 for Php100.  I added Php10 for the pots. When I got home, I grabbed some ribbon. Joaquin took charge of naming the teacher who would get each plant and he spread glue on the top part of the pots so the ribbons would stay in place.  I printed out a simple message, had my son sign his name, glued the note to a popsicle stick and voila! Pretty teacher's day gifts within my budget!

We did a good job, Mama!

WORK WOES

I'm loathing my new work schedule. From a very normal work sched of 9am to 6pm., I now work from 1-10pm.

The TL who is managing my original account went on maternity leave last week and because I'm the only other person at work who knows how to make the tedious weekly reports, she had to turn over her team to me.

And this is on top of eveeerrrryyttthinnngg that I do at work.

I can never give a specific answer everytime people ask me what exactly it is I do at work. First off, I work for 2 companies.  These are my functions at work:

1. Product management
2. Client acquisition and business dev
3. Auditor (yep! I'm also part of the Finance department)
4. Billing and Invoicing (another finance task)
5. Agent commissions and incentives
6. Team Leader
7. Applicant interviews (also a part of HR)
8. Operations 

A friend once told me, "Work flows to those who get things done".  And I'm really not complaining because I do believe I'm efficient, but lately I feel like I'm spread too thin and I'm tired and underpaid and it's not worth it anymore.

The only reason why I still work here is I love the people I work with. And it's so damn hard to look for people you can happily work with.

So anyway, I just wanted to write about how much I hate my new work sched and how I'm probably stuck with this sched for the next 2 months.

I hate that it's sooo hot out when I leave home. I hate that I can't be at home before my son goes to bed.  I can't even hitch rides with my friends anymore and because it is so unsafe to walk to the jeepney stop past 10pm, I've been taking cabs.  More gastos.

And I miss tweeting.

Shet.

He would have been 62.

Papa would have been 62 today. And on our way to the cemetery, (thanks to Carla for lending me her car, by the way) I was trying to imagine what he would look like if he was still around. How it would be like. To start off, it would have been awesome for Joaquin to have a grandfather to spoil him rotten.

Felt tears roll from my eyes as I listened to my son shyly sing "happy birthday gwapo" while standing in front of Papa's grave.

My efforts in correcting him to call my Dad "Guakong" have been futile and so, I just let him be. Come to think of it, and knowing Papa, he would have preferred (and would have insisted) to be called "Gwapo" by his grandson anyway.

I wish they knew each other. I wish Joaquin knew him, not just of him.

Happy birthday, Papa! I miss you everyday that you're not here (and that's close to 8 years already).

Keep grooving (up there).

It has been a month since my sister took the car.

My mom thought it would be best if my sister, Francine, who lives all the way in Cubao and is in her final year of med school, uses the car first because she has a crazy schedule in the hospital and I think one of her classmates got stabbed en route to school/the hospital. She also said that my sister's cab fare expenses are driving her nuts on top of my sister's rent, utilities, etc. Her finances are not very good so she wants to save money.

I have no qualms about commuting as I've been taking public transpo since HS.  I only live 6 kilometers away from the office (2 tricyle rides, a jeepney ride and a 5-minute walk to be exact) so it isn't really much of a hassle. What I was worried about was Joaquin and how we would get around.

And God forbid, what are we going to do in case of an emergency?

I tried to reason with my mom and said that maybe it would be best if my sister moves back home with me (save on rent!) since she already has the car and at least, we'll have something to use in case of emergencies.

Wag na daw. Magtiis na lang daw muna ako.  It's not my car coz I didn't buy it so, okay.

It's a good thing that Joaquin only walks to school and that his therapy center is within the village so all he needs to do is take a tricycle.  It's the weekends that are difficult because we can't just eat out anymore or make pasyal, visit Papa in the cemetery or go to events we're invited to.

Compassion.  I have received so much of that this past month.

My kumare and kumpare (Thank you  Mia and JM!) who lives in the same village offered to give me rides to work in the morning.

April, my friend since childhood is now my palengke and supermarket buddy.  On days when she goes straight home from work (which is most of the time), she offers to pick me up at the Paseo de Magallanes area (I walk going there) so I don't have to commute going home.  She also lent me her car when I had to take Joaquin to get a haircut and last Saturday night when I had to meet my friends for dinner in BHS.

My good friend, Carla, a mom of 2 adorable children, invites me and Joaquin to go out with her kids on weekends.  She also calls me whenever she's in Makati to ask if I need a ride home.

Today, my boss left for Cebu with her family and she called me to tell me that she asked her driver to give me her car keys because she is lending me her car for the weekend.  "Take Joaquin out! Just have the car back in the office by 8am on Monday", she said.

My son and I are very lucky to be surrounded by these people, who we're not even related to but treat us and love us like family.

All this compassion, kindness and love, just because I lost a car.

God is good. :)

A recent study shows that most people are happiest at 33. They say that “By this age innocence has been lost, but our sense of reality is mixed with a strong sense of hope, a ‘can do’ spirit, and a healthy belief in our own talents and abilities.”

But it doesn't say anything about being happy in love.


"Many respondents claimed that their happiness at 33 came from fulfillment in their professional lives, as well as having a support system of family and friends. Not surprisingly, 36% said they were happiest when they had children."

Fulfillment in professional life-- Yes, pretty much.

Support system of family friends-- Check!

Happiest when I had Joaquin-- OF COURSE!

But again, none of the respondents mentioned anything about settling down, getting married or just being happy in the Lu-huv department.

Ha.

Looks like a lot of people have been burned by love and have found true happiness in other things. Seems to me like the universe is saying that there a lot of loveless not-in-committed-relationships people out there and they're happy anyway, so I can conclude that I don't need a someone/partner/boyfriend/husband to be in high spirits.  That all these--a promising career, a steady support system and kids--are all you need and you're set for a blissful rainbow-colored life. 

I guess in this day and age, a relationship has been demoted to something nice-to-have instead of a must-have.


And believe me, I can live with that without feeling any resentment from cupid and his bow and arrow.


But who knows, lightning can strike.


  

HAVE A LITTLE FAITH

My boss lent me her copy of Mitch Albom's "Have a Little Faith" last month and insisted that I read it.  While "Tuesdays with Morrie" remains to be one of my favorite books of all time, "The Five People You Meet in Heaven" was a huge letdown, which was why I was hesitant to read Have a Little Faith.

I was more apprehensive when I was told that it was about a rabbi who asked Mitch Albom to write his eulogy.  I was worried that it was going to be too preachy preachy and I'm not even Jewish.

But this book was not about religion, it was about faith in general.  And whatever trepidation I felt about reading this book immediately disappeared after the first few of chapters.

In a lot of ways, it strengthened my faith in humanity and my belief in the power of prayer.  A little sappy, I know--but I read this book at a time that I needed faith the most.   I don't know if my boss sensed that or if she simply wanted me to read a good book.  Nevertheless, this book worked.  It is a book to believe in.

And yes, I cried sobbed.

So before returning it to my boss, I took snapshots of my favorite quotes.  Sharing them with you.

ON CHANCES 

LIFE'S PURPOSE

FAMILY

ON COMMITMENT

ON RELATIONSHIPS

ON PREPARING FOR DEATH

SLEEPING IN A STORM

WE TAKE NOTHING

A DAILY PRAYER

WHAT A HOME REALLY IS

THE FINAL MINUTE

ON THE THINGS WE DO NOT SAY

TRYING TO BE BETTER

Other quotes I wasn't able to take a snapshot of:

ON MARRIAGE

“I think people expect too much from marriage today,' he said. 'They expect perfection. Every moment should be bliss. That's TV or movies. But that is not the human experience.
. . . twenty good minutes here, forty good minutes there, it adds up to something beautiful. The trick is when things aren't so great, you don't junk the whole thing. It's okay to have an argument. It's okay that the other one nudges you a little, bothers you a little. It's part of being close to someone.

But the joy you get from that same closeness--when you watch your children, when you wake up and smile at each other--that . . . is a blessing. People forget that.” 

ANOTHER ONE ON DEATH

“If you could pack for heaven, this was how you'd do it, touching everything, taking nothing.” 

ON AGING

“Getting old we can deal with. Being old is the problem” 

THE THING ABOUT FORGIVENESS

Hate.

It's not a word I use on people.  It's a word I use sparingly because just saying it makes me flinch.  It's too strong a word and I have never used it on anyone.

I don't even hate my son's father, a person most-worthy of my animosity, because no matter how irresponsible and deranged he is, without him, I wouldn't have a son.

But you know what they say, there's a first time for everything. Hate included.

So it goes without saying that I hate him. I hate Jun.

I just said that out loud as I typed it, without second thoughts, and I wasn't even compelled to hit the backspace button.

I hate him. (I can say that as many times as I said "Omigod" while watching Magic Mike)

But! I know that ultimately, my feelings will go away and I'll forget I'm angry.  Like all wounds, emotional pain caused by heartache or betrayal or whatever, eventually heal.  Some leave marks but if you're lucky enough, or maybe if you have contractubex, then maybe the pain will leave you scar-free.

And because I'm such a peace-loving person--seriously, I am--I also know that in the long run, I will forgive him, not because it's the "catholic" thing to do, but because some people just can't help being what they are.  He's a lying beguiling sonofabitch, so what can I do about it? Right! Nothing. Absofuckinglutely nothing.

Remember what I said earlier about first times? Well aside from being a hate virgin, this is also the first time I am learning that while forgiving someone is always always always good, it doesn't follow that that person should still be a part of your life.

I think most of us, without actually knowing it, associate forgiveness with giving second, third, fourth and nth chances. Giving chances should not be handed out so easily as giving cookies (although, I don't think I would ever give out cookies so generously. Yeah, coz I'm matakaw like that).

In hindsight, my 16 years of education in schools run by nuns may be to blame.  The Bible says we should forgive seventy times seven times.  Of course, this is not to be taken in the literal context, but helloooo, even the Holiest of books has not mentioned anything about still fraternizing with those who have wronged you in unforgivable (but you forgive them anyway) ways. Or is there? I don't know. Maybe I'll get back to you on that one.

I have to admit that I used to be one of those people who would say,

You've forgiven him, right? Why don't you hang out with him anymore?


So you've accepted her apology, why haven't you (re-)accepted her friend request on facebook? 

I know better now.

Expectations from forgiveness have been stretched way too far.  Yes, I forgive you but that doesn't mean I will have a "WELCOME BACK INTO MY LIFE!" sign strewn around my neck. Just because I forgive doesn't mean I am allowing myself to be treated badly and let down over and over and over again by the same person. That's just not emotionally healthy!

The eagerness and willingness to forgive someone should not be misconstrued with the willingness to still be bothered with them.  Just because I have forgiven you doesn't mean that I will still greet you on your birthday or give you a hug or a kiss on the cheek when I run into you somewhere.  Probably also doesn't mean I will say "Hi" or even smile. But don't worry, we're cool.

Yes, we're only human, we all make mistakes, which is why I'm totally into forgiving, especially if a person filled with remorse sincerely asks for it. And regardless if they are, it's something I have to do for myself, for my own peace of mind. Besides, someday, I'm going to need to ask forgiveness too and in order to get it, I've got to give it.

Ideally, you forgive and refuse to cut ties with the person who hurt you and instead, work on whatever your issues are moving forward because you still want that person in your life. But in some cases, forgiveness doesn't mean you still have to interact with folk.  Sometimes, the best and sanest thing to do is to just forgive, acknowledge that that is enough and move on.  That is the healing in and of itself.


And for this particular lying beguiling sonofabitch, that is what I intend to do.  To just forgive and then never allow him to enter my life again.  I will forgive but I won't be a fool.


Ang tanong, humingi na ba ng tawad? :)

Which is worse?

Thought about this while walking home in the rain earlier.

Which is worse? The hopelessness/helplessness from knowing too little and feeling too much, or feeling absolutely nothing despite knowing everything?