MUST BE THE MEDICINE TALKING

I'm down with the flu. I don't even know how I managed to work today feeling like this.

I have a 38-degree temp, I've got the chills, my entire body is aching and on top of that, I have cough, colds and a sore throat. 

Damn this flu. 

And this may be the NyQuil talking but I suddenly wish I had a man to take care of me. 

Even just for tonight. 

I've been meaning to write.  Believe me, I've tried several times only to find myself frustratingly unsatisfied with what I wrote so I select all, delete and log out.  I think I've forgotten how to write but then again, I am not a writer and at the rate I'm going, I never will be.

Some days, I visit my old blog and start to wonder: Where is She?

I used to be able to write about how I felt without caring about what other people thought. I threw caution to the wind by typing whatever it was my heart was saying, no holds barred. These days, I find myself screening what I have to say, worrying about who might stumble upon this little page.  The world is too small, and the Philippines--even smaller.  But let's be realistic, I don't even think anyone still comes here.  I don't think anyone really gives a shit.

Oh, but I do.  Before Joaquin, writing has always been the one thing that kept me sane.  I've kept a journal (offline and online) for as long as I can remember.  Putting my thoughts, no matter how personal, into words most of the time gave me the enlightenment I needed.  And I do need some right now.

Let's get to it, shall we?

I've been putting so much pressure upon myself at work that a few weeks ago I found myself asking if it was worth leaving my comfort zone for this. When you're in sales, it's all about the network you keep and since I was in the BPO industry for 8.5 years prior to this job, the only network I have are all overseas. I'm starting from scratch and I'm at the bottom of the barrel again.  I used to be a big fish in a pond and now I am plankton in the deep blue sea.  All things considering, I'm kind of amazed at how many clients I have managed to contact and meet all on my own.  What drives me to be better and really excel is my belief in our product and my faith in my bosses.  Wish me luck, guys.

I'm still not seeing anyone as of the moment and I don't think I'm ready to get back on the dating horse just yet.  However, my friends have been encouraging me to try online dating.  Against my better judgement, I am now a registered member of a couple of dating sites and I have also downloaded a dating app.  And just as I predicted, still no luck.  There were a couple of promising ones but conversations suddenly became boring and one of them started sending me photos of his torso and underwear. Blocked him. Silver lining: these matching sites have added humor to my daily life.

I don't mean to be mean, but there must have been a whackjob of a woman out there who told men that women want to see shirtless photos of them. Forgivable if they had abs, but believe me, 80% of the half-naked photos I have seen, do not have a single trace of washboard abs on them.  There was even a shirtless guy in a freaking cowboy hat!  And he's Asian! Why oh why oh why oh why oh why?

So anyway, I have to go.  I'm as low bat as my laptop is right now (10%).  Went to a friend's party last night, indulged in a little too much merlot, came home at 3am and woke up at 7am with a hangover from hell.

Goodnight.

The first words that came out of my mouth when I woke up last Saturday were, "What the f!@% was that?".

I dreamt about someone from my past, someone I haven't seen or heard from in 2-3 years.

It gets freakier.

I was having coffee at our patio when he texts me.  And the next thing I knew, he was already having coffee with me.

There's so much (so much is an understatement) history between me and this guy and there's no way I would ever even consider going back.  It was nice seeing him again but I also found myself hating the fact that despite no communication for so long, it was still so easy and comfortable to talk to him.


Most parts of this song say how I feel about this whole blast from the past incident.

"Even If I Don't"
Rachael Yamagata

I miss you most in the morning
Most every morning
I wake up thinking
I could call
I could come visit
I could come running
We could relive it

But when I think of all that we've been through
Going back to you
Seems such a foolish thing to do
I hope you know
That even if I don't
I wanted to

All those words
You said at the ending
Were pretty revealing
And I can't forget them
All those ways
We missed at connecting
Despite all our trying
It always came back to
What I couldn't give you

So when I think of starting up again
Or trying to be friends
It seems impossible to do
I hope you know
That even if we can't
I wanted to
Who knows why
Two people perfectly aligned
Should ever have to find themselves apart
I'll never understand my heart
I miss you
Most in the morning
Most every morning
I wake up crying

Whenever people ask me how I'm finding my new job, I always say that I am not having fun--yet.

IT'S BEEN CRAZY!

I am almost never at the office.  My days are booked with meetings and client presentations, minimum 2 a day.  I sent an email to my sales team last Thursday asking them not to set any appointments on Friday afternoons so we can all meet and talk about what happened during the week and what our goals are for the coming week.  My skin is breaking out, I'm not used to wearing make-up everyday.  Gladly, my feet have gotten used to running in heels.

The upside of all this is, I'm meeting so many great people face-to-face.  My old job entailed talking to different people too, but it's usually just over the phone (as my clients were mostly abroad).  I am also learning so much from my colleagues who actually work for the other subsidiaries but have been helping out with the project.  Although I feel like I am still walking on eggshells with the people I work with, I am slowly warming up to them. Just the other day, I had a laugh out loud moment with my boss in the pantry and she jokingly slapped me on the arm.

I also had a one-day crush on someone at the office but I found out he's married after I stalked his Facebook (Dear Married Men, please wear your wedding rings!). No way in hell I'm going that road. What's funny is that I had a couple of friends over for drinks last week and I was telling them about this guy and they asked to see a picture.  When I showed it to them, one of them said "Oh Shit, it's ____!".  Turns out one-day crush is my friend's brother's bestfriend.  The world is too small.

Also, I finally got to take advantage of the cheap beer at work.  In all my years of working, I have never left the office buzzed, until yesterday.

I guess that's it. I'm sorry my life has been so blah.  Pray it gets more exciting in the coming months, yes?

Ciao!

ES EM CEE

I started my new job last Monday and it has been one hell of a week--in a good way. 

I'm really excited about our product which we will formally launch in September. In a nutshell, it's going to change the way you  pay for products and services, and manage your money. 

I've been in back-to-back meetings all week and just this morning, my new boss appointed me to work with our contact center in forming our helpdesk group. It isn't really a part of the job I signed up for but I am more than happy to do it because it's an industry I am very familiar and still comfortable with. 

The travel time to and from work has surprisingly been manageable (average 45mins). As soon as I drop Joaquin off at school, I head to my office in Ortigas (although technically, it's in Mandaluyong). I always arrive at least 45 minutes early which gives me ample time to have coffee and spend time by myself. 

I cannot be more relieved that it's Friday tomorrow. I miss baking. My mom recently sent me and Joaquin cookie cutters for every shape imaginable, baking pans (I finally have decent baking pans, whoopee!) and a really cool dessert decorator. We will put those to good use this weekend. 

This is where I work now, by the way. For those of you in the Philippines, the building should be familiar. Joaquin loves that I now work for the company that makes his favorite hotdogs. On the other hand, I'm thrilled to be working for the company that makes my favorite beer. Haha! (Our canteen sells beer after 6pm, how cool is that?)

That is all, for now. Will update soon! Toodles! 

BEEN BUSY

I've been busy.

It's my last week at work so the past couple of weeks have been spent turning over everything to my colleague.

I also went to my new employer yesterday for a meeting and everything looks promising. I officially start working for them on Monday and I am very very excited!

I wish I could share more on my new job and I am itching to write about it, but I have to keep mum until we launch.

P.S.
My 2nd half marathon turned out okay. I can't say it was great because I was undertrained. I'm just glad I finished at a decent time and I kept my pace all throughout.

Joaquin took this photo of me when I got home. He insisted I hold my medal.

 

MOVING FORWARD

A very good and wise friend told me that you can't move forward without leaving something behind. 

I wrote my resignation letter today crying. I couldn't even muster the courage to hand it to my boss, so I left it at her desk before I left work.  After 9 years, I'm leaving a company filled with people who matter to me. 

I am sad and excited all at the same time. 

BAHALA NA SI BATMAN!

I am running another 21K tomorrow.   Unlike my first half marathon, I didn't have enough time to train for this as I only found out I was doing this last week. 

This was originally my boss' and her husband's race kits but they suddenly had to schedule an out of town trip last week and they suddenly convinced me to run using their race kits.  So I coerced my friend, April to run with me. She was the one who took me to my first 5K and I want to be the one to take her to her first 21K. 

Of course I want to beat my previous time but like I said, there was not enough time to train, so I'm putting my fate in tomorrow's race in Batman's hands. Bahala na siya!

THE OFFER

Oh God, oh God, oh God.

I'm in a bit of a bind.  A good one. But still, a bind.

Last week, a friend of mine called me and told me about a job opening in a new subsidiary of one of the Top 10 5 corporations in the Philippines and she said, "E-mail me your resume now. No ifs, not buts."

And just for the heck of it, I did.

A few hours later, they called and scheduled an interview between me and the daughter of the CEO.

And the interview went really great.  So great that I was assured they were making an offer.

To tell you the absolute truth, prior to the job interview, I didn't have plans of leaving my current employer.  I just wanted to shop around, see how much I was worth.

Apparently, I am worth more.  I received a call from their HR person a couple of nights ago and she discussed the offer with me and while I was not astounded, it was still an offer I will not refuse.

Normal 9-6, Monday to Friday schedule, exciting product, super stable company, wonderful allowances. The only setback is the office is in Pasig but I have a gas allowance which will more than make up for it.

I don't know how to tell my boss.  I'm scared of what she will say, what she will think.

Please pray it all goes well.

RECIPE: RED VELVET CAKE

Oh my gosh!

Those were the first words out of my mouth after I had a forkful of this cake.

A friend came over for coffee and I served her a slice and as soon as she took a bite, she smiled and her eyes widened at the same time, and then she gave me a hug.  There were no words needed.

I had some issues with the frosting though and will probably never make 7-minute icing again until they rename it to 20-minute icing (or maybe the recipe I followed was just wrong--but it was Martha Stewart's!).  While the frosting was good, I was not able to get the ala-marshmallow icing texture I wanted.

Regardless, this is HANDS DOWN, the best red velvet cake I have tried because it is super moist.  And yes, I am making this again but since I'm out of red food coloring, I will make a blue velvet or green velvet next time.

And because I'm super duper nice, I'm sharing the recipe with you.

RED VELVET CAKE 

Ingredients:

2 cups all purpose flour

• 1 teaspoon of baking soda
• 1 teaspoon of baking powder
• 1 teaspoon of salt
• 2 Tablespoon of unsweetened, cocoa powder
• 2 cups sugar
• 1 cup vegetable oil
• 2 eggs
• 1 cup buttermilk (if you don't have buttermilk, this replacement worked for me)
• 2 teaspoon of vanilla extract
• 1-2 oz. red food coloring
• 1 teaspoon of white distilled vinegar
• ½ cup of prepared plain hot coffee (this is the secret ingredient so please do not skip it!)

Instructions:

1. Preheat oven to 325.
2. 
   
3. In a medium bowl, whisk together flour, baking soda, baking powder, cocoa powder and salt. Set aside.
4. 
   
5. In a large bowl, combine the sugar and vegetable oil (I used palm oil). Mix in the eggs, buttermilk, vanilla and red food coloring until combined.
6. 
   
7. Stir in the coffee and white vinegar.
8. 
   
9. Combine the wet ingredients with the dry ingredients a little at time, mixing after each addition, just until combined.
10. 
    
11. Generously grease and flour two round cake pans with butter and flour.
12. 
    
13. Pour the batter evenly into each pan.
14. 
    
15. Bake in the middle rack for 30-40 minutes, or until a toothpick comes out clean. Do not over bake as cake will continue to cook as it cools.
16. 
    
17. Let cool on a cooling rack until the pan are warm to the touch.
18. 
    
19. Slide a knife or offset spatula around the inside of the pans to loosen the cake from the pan.
20. 
    
21. Remove the cakes from the pan and let them cool.
22. 
    
23. Start frosting when the cakes have cooled completely.

Cream cheese frosting would be best for this cake but I didn't have cream cheese last weekend.  But if you do, here's a recipe:

Ingredients

• 16oz  cream cheese, softened
• ¼ cup milk, may need more
• 1 stick butter, softened
• 2 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 4 cups powdered sugar

Instructions

1. Add softened cream cheese into large bowl.
2. 
   
3. Pour in milk, butter and vanilla extract.
4. 
   
5. Mix until well combined.
6. 
   
7. Pour in half of the powdered sugar. Mix until combined.
8. 
   
9. Add the remaining powdered sugar. Mix until smooth and fluffy.
10. 
    
11. Use a spatula to scrape down the side of the bowl if needed.

HAPPY WEEKEND!