For the past 3 weeks, I've been hanging out at one of the bathroom stalls at work a lot.

I wish I could say I'm having bowel problems.  Yes, I WISH. That would have been better.

The bathroom stall is the only place at work where I can really be alone.  It's the only place at work where I can cry without anyone seeing me.  It's the only place at work where I can stop trying to be stoic.(Trying being the operative word)

Stoic, hahaha. I used to be sooo good at acting all cool even when there was pandemonium inside of me. Now, ewanko na.

My 2 closest friends at work ask me all the time if I'm okay and I tell them I am but I know they know I'm lying.  This morning, I was behind my desk with my head bent down and when I looked up, there they were, staring at me.

Even my very good friend, Kookie, who made me her model for her make-up class last week said I looked so sad.

I wish I could tell you exactly why.  But where do I even begin?  How do I even start to explain something that even I can't fully understand.

All I know is it's breaking me to bits. I don't think I've ever felt so helpless.  And so in the dark.

Ohkay, here I go again. Time to go back to the bathroom stall.

ONE THING OFF MY BUCKET LIST

This photo is for Jason, who 6 years ago made me promise to try surfing and assured me that I would love it.

I did :)

Joaquin and I spent the long weekend in La Union and learning to surf was an amazing way to clear my head.  All I could think of was how these huge waves were going to hit me, how I would manage to get up on the surfboard while waves were coming down on me and how I would find my balance so I can just stay there.  It was a nice escape from my reality.

My arms hurt like hell but it was all worth it.

How did you spend your long weekend?