As you grow older, finding someone you just connect with is exponentially more difficult.

Really.


You see, there is a guy. I find him cute gwapo. Like boy-band-gwapo. And whenever I look at him, I'm so physically attracted to him, I just want to grab him and give him a kiss!

He called me and asked me out on a second date 15 minutes after our first date.

He's nice, too nice in fact, and he has made it pretty clear that he likes me. He's already given me a nickname (not going to say) and he calls, texts, chats with me online pretty much everyday.

Seems great, right?

BUT.

I guess I just don't find him that intellectually stimulating, which is probably why I've been turning him down aka taking rain checks for the past 2 weeks. Don't get me wrong, he's not dumb and he can make me laugh but I dunno, it's just not what I'm looking for.

I'm a person who thrives on conversation and while this guy makes sense, I just don't see myself spending an entire day just talking to him or just enjoying comfortable silence.  He called me the other night and after 20 minutes on the phone-- *crickets*-- there was nothing to talk about anymore and it was a tad awkward.

A part of me wants to keep him (gwapo kasi eh. hahaha!) and another part of me wants to nip it in the bud. Some of my friends say that maybe I shouldn't shut him down so early on and give him a chance. That maybe I just need to get to know him more. Some say that maybe my recent heartbreak is causing me to become a little pessimistic.

Haaay. Pwedeng bang pakurot or pa-kiss na lang? :D 

J

A few days before Christmas in 2005, I lost someone very special to me. 

A couple of months before he passed away, he told me that if anything should happen, he would want me to move on but never forget.

I have kept that promise.

To my dearest J, 

Happy Birthday, Jason!

I will never forget. I miss you.  You will always be someone I no longer talk about, but still think about. I know you're watching over me.  I love you, always.

“You’ll get over it…” It’s the clichés that cause the trouble. To lose someone you love is to alter your life for ever. You don’t get over it because ‘it” is the person you loved. The pain stops, there are new people, but the gap never loses. How could it? The particularness of someone who mattered enough to grieve over is not made anodyne by death. This hole in my heart is in the shape of you and no-one else can fit it. Why would I want them to?” 

― Jeanette Winterson, Written on the Body

33 LESSONS LIFE TAUGHT ME AT 33

I turned 33 last week and this entry should have been posted last Monday but work got in the way and I just finished it today.

Here is my list of 33 lessons life taught me at 33 :)

1.       I’m worth a lot more than I think.

2.       You can get away with so many things just by smiling.

3.       So take good care of your teeth.

4.       It’s fun to talk to strangers.

5.       READ. It’s the best and cheapest way to escape from reality.

6.      While getting an education is important, it will not make you set for life. A good attitude will.

7.       There’s a huge difference between being happy and successful. Aim to be both but if not, choose to be happy.

8.       Don’t let the day go by without giving someone a compliment.

9.       Learn something new everyday.

10.   Unless you know exactly what a person is going through, don’t judge.

11.   If the relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

12.   Normal is boring.

13.   Some of the most important calls you’ll take in your lifetime are the ones that are made in the most ungodly hours of the night.

14.   Alone is so not lonely.

15.   Don’t take your parents for granted. You have no idea how much you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

16.   It’s okay to make mistakes. If you don’t succeed, at least you’ll learn something.

17.   At least once a year, go to a place you’ve never been before.

18.   Nothing beats falling in love with your bestfriend.

19.   Always give second chances.  Then, stop.

20.   Kids will always have an inexplicable way of lifting your spirits J

21.   Take tons of photos! Moments can never be recreated.

22.   Choose your battles. There’s no need to make mountains out of molehills.

23.   Surround yourself with positive people. Life is too short to be spent with people who suck the happiness out of you.

24.   Eat to your heart’s content.

25.   The three sentences you should use most in life are “I love you”, “I’m sorry” and “Thank you”.

26.   You really don’t have to put up with all that crap, you know?

27.   Trust your gut.

28.   Never make a big decision when you’re angry and never make a big promise when you’re overjoyed.

29.   Truly, the best things in life are free.

30.   A few REAL friends are all I really need.

31.   Oh yeah, wear sunscreen.

32.   Indeed, laughter is the best medicine.

33.   Speaking of medicine, there really is no cure for a hangover.

Cheers to growing old, staying young and learning more!

SCRIBBLES

I carry a little notebook with me all the time for scribbling random thoughts. This is what went down in that notebook today:

When I gave you a second chance, I thought you saw it as a way to finally make things right.  I wish I had known early on that what I was giving you was a second chance to break my heart.