SAVED.

Kids are kids.  But sometimes, they manage to say really surprising things--things that may seem prophetic or philosophical.  Sometimes, they will make comments that seem to go beyond their scope of knowledge or understanding. Maybe it's because they see the world differently or maybe they understand a lot more than we give them credit for.

Yesterday afternoon, while helping Joaquin dress up after his bath:

Me: What did you today, Babe?
Joaquin: I eat fried rice and siomai.
Me: And who did you eat with? (In case you're wondering, asking questions and having him answer them is something I like to do to help him tell stories in detail)
Joaquin: Mama and Tito J.
Me: Good job!

While I was helping him put on his shirt,

Joaquin: I like Tito J.
Me: Why do you like Tito J?
Joaquin: Because he save you.
Me: What?
Joaquin: Because he save you.
Me: Again, Joaquin-- why do you like Tito J?
Joaquin: Because he save you.

I froze.  I was so stunned. And I have to admit, a little freaked out.

Where did that come from?  Save me?! First of all, why on earth would my son think that I needed saving?  (Hindi pwede masira ang SuperMom image ko! I am no damsel in distress, excuuusseee mee! Hehe!) And how can he say that J saved me?

And so here goes:

My dearest Joaquin--if there is anyone in this world who has saved me, it is YOU.  Nothing will ever come close to the fulfillment I felt the first time I held you. You have saved me from being complacent with my life. My major decisions are now based on what I think you would think. I want to be the best person possible for you.  My fervent prayer is that you grow up happy and that you'll be proud of me as I am of you.

And to J, you're the best thing that happened to me this year since Joaquin. I will always be grateful to you for saving me from disbelief.  I had confined myself to the fact that it would never happen again and I was fine with it.  Thank you again, for proving me wrong.  You will always rock my world :)

They carry my ♥

"Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
I carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)"-- E.E. Cummings

The BF surprised me with these Friday night and they're absolutely gorgeous!

Daisies are LOVE.

SPRING CLEANING

Do you love my new URL?

I do i do i dooooo!!!  I was lucky it was still available. O tiba, meant to be!

I am also overjoyed by the number of e-mails I received from readers asking me for the new URL of my blog.  May nagbabasa pa pala. I was really surprised. *kilig*

Aside from changing my blog's URL, I also changed my mobile number a few weeks ago.  Let's just say I'm "spring cleaning" my life.  Time to weed out people who bring nothing but bad vibes!

Like the former blog, it was hard to let go of my old number, I've had that for years.  But some chapters must end. Ties must be cut. Doors must be shut.  Some people have no more room in my life and I want to make darn sure they don't ever come knocking again.

The peace of mind I am currently getting is soooo worth it.

Wag na magpafeel ang mga charoterang isprikitik! (If you haven't seen Zombadings, WHY? Hahaha!)

And have I told you that I'm inlove? *kilig again*

Ayieeeee!!! ♥  I shall make kwento soon.

My little one is doing great.  He is currently obsessed with the piano. If he's not hitting the keys of the real one (we have one at home pero medyo sira sira na), he plays with this app on the iPad.  In fairness to Joaquin, he can't read notes and I really can't say that he knows what he's doing BUT his "music" has a melody ha.

My future Mozart

When I got home last night, I went straight to the kitchen to drop off my lunch box.  Joaquin was already in the room getting ready for bed.  Anyway, I headed back to the living room where my cousin was and he goes:

Cousin: You didn't notice anything when you got in?
Me: Notice what?
Cousin: Hahaha! Joaquin's new pet?
Me: What pet? Where is the kitten???
Cousin: Right in front of you!

And true enough, it was right there on our table.  Tiny tiny black and white furball.

I knew right away the pet my cousin was talking about was a kitten because our neighbor's cat, Chloe gave birth a few weeks ago and my son has been sneaking off to their house every now and then to visit the, what he calls, "kitty kitties".  His Ate L told me once that Joaquin cried going home because he wanted to take the kittens to bed with him.

I hope our helper remembered to return the kitten this morning. It's too tiny. I don't think the kitten which Joaquin has decided to name after his/her mother (he pronounces it Cwowie. Buyuy!) is ready to be detached from his/her mom.  I also don't feel that my son is ready to take care of another living thing.

So there. I'm ecstatic that I can write freely again.  I missed this.

HAPPY HAPPY WEEKEND TO ALL OF YOU!

I have a problem.

Both my helpers are going home to the province this weekend and will be gone for a week.  Fiesta kasi.

So my plan is to stay with Joaquin in school from 730-1030am then bring him to work with me and stay in the office till at least 4pm and finish the rest of my work at home.

Another dilemma is, I am managing a new Australian account (7am to 4pm) starting Monday, so ewanko na.

I'm talking to my boss today and hoping hoping hoping that she will be okay with that. *crossing my fingers*


One thing is certain:  Next week will be a kaloka week! 

I'm not much of a worrywart but there is one thing I always always always fret about:

Who will take care of Joaquin when I'm gone?

This questions brings me to tears everytime.


While my heart believes that my awesome son will eventually overcome or at the very least manage his bout with autism , a part of me can't help but ask--What if he doesn't? (By the way, we went to the Dev Ped last month and the diagnosis has now downgraded to PDD-NOS. Dev Ped says he has improved immensely. Sooo grateful!)

There is no cure for autism--this is a very ugly truth I have been forced to accept since his intervention. I am hopeful that therapy, tips from other parents like me, constant research and overflowing love and attention will be enough to help him.


Right now, the only person I can trust to be alone with my son is his caregiver, L, who I hope never leaves him. Even my own sisters can't handle Joaquin. Don't get me wrong, I'm so not taking that against them. I completely understand how challenging being with Joaquin could be. The tantrums/meltdowns can be a little too much to take at times.


Who will take care of Joaquin when I'm gone?

This haunts me. Magkaka-wrinkles na ako kakaisip.

And I will refuse to leave this earth until I am assured that he has someone who will love him just as much as I do.

So here is my answer: Have another child in 2 years, whether I'm in a relationship or not. Whether it's here or in the US. I don't care what people will think, they can judge all they want.

I had a really fun childhood because of my 4 crazy sisters and we have always been there for each other. We may live far away from one another, we may not talk as often as we want to but I know that when the shit hits the fan, they will come running.

And I want Joaquin to have that. I know that he will need that.

And that's the gameplan.