LOVES DAISIES

I'm not much of a worrywart but there is one thing I always always always fret about:

Who will take care of Joaquin when I'm gone?

This questions brings me to tears everytime.


While my heart believes that my awesome son will eventually overcome or at the very least manage his bout with autism , a part of me can't help but ask--What if he doesn't? (By the way, we went to the Dev Ped last month and the diagnosis has now downgraded to PDD-NOS. Dev Ped says he has improved immensely. Sooo grateful!)

There is no cure for autism--this is a very ugly truth I have been forced to accept since his intervention. I am hopeful that therapy, tips from other parents like me, constant research and overflowing love and attention will be enough to help him.


Right now, the only person I can trust to be alone with my son is his caregiver, L, who I hope never leaves him. Even my own sisters can't handle Joaquin. Don't get me wrong, I'm so not taking that against them. I completely understand how challenging being with Joaquin could be. The tantrums/meltdowns can be a little too much to take at times.


Who will take care of Joaquin when I'm gone?

This haunts me. Magkaka-wrinkles na ako kakaisip.

And I will refuse to leave this earth until I am assured that he has someone who will love him just as much as I do.

So here is my answer: Have another child in 2 years, whether I'm in a relationship or not. Whether it's here or in the US. I don't care what people will think, they can judge all they want.

I had a really fun childhood because of my 4 crazy sisters and we have always been there for each other. We may live far away from one another, we may not talk as often as we want to but I know that when the shit hits the fan, they will come running.

And I want Joaquin to have that. I know that he will need that.

And that's the gameplan.