LOVES DAISIES

I have a secret blog.  I've been writing in it for the past 4 or 5 months, I think.  They are basically unsent letters to J.  I'm contemplating on whether it's time to take it down.

It's been close to 2 weeks since I last wrote there.  Here is the "letter" I wrote today.  I think this will also be the last I letter I will write.

(After this, I will try to squeeze in time to write about my fabulous trip!)
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I didn't think I would still write here.

Oh well, maybe this will be the last.  Maybe.

Whatever heartache I had left, I buried in one of the islands in Caramoan.  Actually, I may have left it in NAIA last Friday when I departed for Naga.

I had a wonderful trip. My boss was right, that was all I needed-- some time to get lost to find myself. Some time to derail from the routine of life, so I can get myself back on track.

And you know what, I'm not just okay, I'm actually happy.  Again.

Without your love.  Again.

I still get asked what happened.  Not wanting to get into details because I don't want to talk about it anymore, I shrug and just say, "it's a long story".  But truthfully, the reason can be summed up in 2 words-- you left.  It's as simple as that.

I still love you.  You have no idea how much I do.  But I love myself  more.

And that is more than enough.

Enough to realize that I am a lot stronger than what I give myself credit for, and that I deserve to be with someone who will be stronger for me.  Enough to know that I gave you everything I could and that I was willing to give more, had you let me.  Enough to understand that you just didn't love me the same way I loved you.  Enough to admit that painful truth.  Enough to accept that maybe we are really better off as just friends.  

Enough to learn from all this.

:)