LOVES DAISIES

They dragged me out of the house and bought me shots of tequila.

Beer. Vodka. Red wine. Margaritas. Martinis. Coffee.

They fed me.

Pasta. Steak. Pizza. Dimsum. Char kway teow (i love!). Truffle fries. Melted queso de bola. Ensaymada. Suman with latik. Damn good veggie empanadas (it was veggie thursday). Chicken croquettes. Liver pate and caramelized onions on fita crackers. Chocolate macademia cookies.

They stayed with me till late, even if we all had to wake up early the next day for work.

They took me clubbing.

And tolerated my ala-concert-sa-Araneta singing inside their car.

They took me to the movies. With matching tumbler of my favorite buttered popcorn.

They bought me and a friend of my choice roundtrip tickets to Naga (I chose someone who I knew was also going through something tough). I am sooo excited for Caramoan!

They made sure I got home safe.

They gave me a 2012 planner, so I wouldn't keep my hopes up about still receiving the Paulo Coelho planner that I really wanted. Plus, I really needed one for work already.

They gave me a long, big and tight hug. And they let me cry. Even when I got their shirts wet from the tears.

They sat with me and listened to me while I sobbed, even if they couldn't make out what I was trying to say.

They sent me e-mails. Chatted with me online.

I would almost always wake up to a text message from one of them, wishing me happiness and more strength to face the day.

I would receive random calls from them throughout the day, asking me what I was doing or where I was going after work. Asking me how I am holding up, assuring me that I will be back to my fabulous self. Eventually.

And if they find out that I'm alone, they would come over, just to keep me company.

I am so overwhelmed by how much my friends love me. I FEEL REALLY LUCKY.

I'm not going to name who did what because that doesn't matter. What matters the most to me is how each one of them made it a point to be there for me, in one way or another, during this very trying time.

They didn't let me down, when I was down.

It still hurts, but not as much. I'm still a wreck, but just a little bit. I think I'm okay. Not bursting with fruit flavor here but at least I don't cry anymore.

I still love him. I know that I always will.

BUT

It was last night when I realized that maybe I was clinging on to the sentiment that I knew him for 7 years, that we had, what I believed in, was a deep friendship. And I couldn't accept the fact that in a matter of months, he just cast it all aside. I found it (and still find it) hard to digest that he didn't fight for us and that makes me feel like he didn't give enough value and importance to what I thought, was a strong foundation for a relationship. It was last night when it dawned on me that maybe his whole "I just need you to be my bestfriend" line was just something he said to soften the blow. Because really, this is not how you treat a friend, let alone a bestfriend.

I mean, honestly, does it really matter how long you've known a friend? Because I think that if they really matter to you, that should be enough to last your friendship.

And that's how I remembered all the things that my friends have been doing for me this past week, all their efforts just so I can get myself together again. Just so I can smile. And as I was driving home alone, I found myself saying this out loud:

Why are you pining over one person who's weighing you down when you have several people who have done nothing but try to pull you back up?

And that's when I decided that it's time to get out of this freakin rabbit hole.

I'm soooo not letting my friends down.

:)