HAVE A LITTLE FAITH

My boss lent me her copy of Mitch Albom's "Have a Little Faith" last month and insisted that I read it.  While "Tuesdays with Morrie" remains to be one of my favorite books of all time, "The Five People You Meet in Heaven" was a huge letdown, which was why I was hesitant to read Have a Little Faith.

I was more apprehensive when I was told that it was about a rabbi who asked Mitch Albom to write his eulogy.  I was worried that it was going to be too preachy preachy and I'm not even Jewish.

But this book was not about religion, it was about faith in general.  And whatever trepidation I felt about reading this book immediately disappeared after the first few of chapters.

In a lot of ways, it strengthened my faith in humanity and my belief in the power of prayer.  A little sappy, I know--but I read this book at a time that I needed faith the most.   I don't know if my boss sensed that or if she simply wanted me to read a good book.  Nevertheless, this book worked.  It is a book to believe in.

And yes, I cried sobbed.

So before returning it to my boss, I took snapshots of my favorite quotes.  Sharing them with you.

ON CHANCES 

LIFE'S PURPOSE

FAMILY

ON COMMITMENT

ON RELATIONSHIPS

ON PREPARING FOR DEATH

SLEEPING IN A STORM

WE TAKE NOTHING

A DAILY PRAYER

WHAT A HOME REALLY IS

THE FINAL MINUTE

ON THE THINGS WE DO NOT SAY

TRYING TO BE BETTER

Other quotes I wasn't able to take a snapshot of:

ON MARRIAGE

“I think people expect too much from marriage today,' he said. 'They expect perfection. Every moment should be bliss. That's TV or movies. But that is not the human experience.
. . . twenty good minutes here, forty good minutes there, it adds up to something beautiful. The trick is when things aren't so great, you don't junk the whole thing. It's okay to have an argument. It's okay that the other one nudges you a little, bothers you a little. It's part of being close to someone.

But the joy you get from that same closeness--when you watch your children, when you wake up and smile at each other--that . . . is a blessing. People forget that.” 

ANOTHER ONE ON DEATH

“If you could pack for heaven, this was how you'd do it, touching everything, taking nothing.” 

ON AGING

“Getting old we can deal with. Being old is the problem” 

THE THING ABOUT FORGIVENESS

Hate.

It's not a word I use on people.  It's a word I use sparingly because just saying it makes me flinch.  It's too strong a word and I have never used it on anyone.

I don't even hate my son's father, a person most-worthy of my animosity, because no matter how irresponsible and deranged he is, without him, I wouldn't have a son.

But you know what they say, there's a first time for everything. Hate included.

So it goes without saying that I hate him. I hate Jun.

I just said that out loud as I typed it, without second thoughts, and I wasn't even compelled to hit the backspace button.

I hate him. (I can say that as many times as I said "Omigod" while watching Magic Mike)

But! I know that ultimately, my feelings will go away and I'll forget I'm angry.  Like all wounds, emotional pain caused by heartache or betrayal or whatever, eventually heal.  Some leave marks but if you're lucky enough, or maybe if you have contractubex, then maybe the pain will leave you scar-free.

And because I'm such a peace-loving person--seriously, I am--I also know that in the long run, I will forgive him, not because it's the "catholic" thing to do, but because some people just can't help being what they are.  He's a lying beguiling sonofabitch, so what can I do about it? Right! Nothing. Absofuckinglutely nothing.

Remember what I said earlier about first times? Well aside from being a hate virgin, this is also the first time I am learning that while forgiving someone is always always always good, it doesn't follow that that person should still be a part of your life.

I think most of us, without actually knowing it, associate forgiveness with giving second, third, fourth and nth chances. Giving chances should not be handed out so easily as giving cookies (although, I don't think I would ever give out cookies so generously. Yeah, coz I'm matakaw like that).

In hindsight, my 16 years of education in schools run by nuns may be to blame.  The Bible says we should forgive seventy times seven times.  Of course, this is not to be taken in the literal context, but helloooo, even the Holiest of books has not mentioned anything about still fraternizing with those who have wronged you in unforgivable (but you forgive them anyway) ways. Or is there? I don't know. Maybe I'll get back to you on that one.

I have to admit that I used to be one of those people who would say,

You've forgiven him, right? Why don't you hang out with him anymore?


So you've accepted her apology, why haven't you (re-)accepted her friend request on facebook? 

I know better now.

Expectations from forgiveness have been stretched way too far.  Yes, I forgive you but that doesn't mean I will have a "WELCOME BACK INTO MY LIFE!" sign strewn around my neck. Just because I forgive doesn't mean I am allowing myself to be treated badly and let down over and over and over again by the same person. That's just not emotionally healthy!

The eagerness and willingness to forgive someone should not be misconstrued with the willingness to still be bothered with them.  Just because I have forgiven you doesn't mean that I will still greet you on your birthday or give you a hug or a kiss on the cheek when I run into you somewhere.  Probably also doesn't mean I will say "Hi" or even smile. But don't worry, we're cool.

Yes, we're only human, we all make mistakes, which is why I'm totally into forgiving, especially if a person filled with remorse sincerely asks for it. And regardless if they are, it's something I have to do for myself, for my own peace of mind. Besides, someday, I'm going to need to ask forgiveness too and in order to get it, I've got to give it.

Ideally, you forgive and refuse to cut ties with the person who hurt you and instead, work on whatever your issues are moving forward because you still want that person in your life. But in some cases, forgiveness doesn't mean you still have to interact with folk.  Sometimes, the best and sanest thing to do is to just forgive, acknowledge that that is enough and move on.  That is the healing in and of itself.


And for this particular lying beguiling sonofabitch, that is what I intend to do.  To just forgive and then never allow him to enter my life again.  I will forgive but I won't be a fool.


Ang tanong, humingi na ba ng tawad? :)

Which is worse?

Thought about this while walking home in the rain earlier.

Which is worse? The hopelessness/helplessness from knowing too little and feeling too much, or feeling absolutely nothing despite knowing everything?

DEAR KARMA

Dear Karma,

I know you’re busy working and you have a lot of pending matters to attend to, but I was hoping you could find time to read this letter.

Could you maybe help me understand how your whole karmic law works exactly?  Correct me if I’m wrong, but shouldn’t I be reaping what I sow?

I’m not rich so the only thing I sow is love.  Lots of it! I’d like to think that I’m a good daughter.  I obey my Mom even when I sometimes find myself disagreeing with her decisions. I love my sisters.  I’m always there for my friends. And seriously, I’m an awesome mother (coz I have an equally awesome son)! I’ve been raising Joaquin on my own for the past 3 years and I work my ass off to make ends meet.

 I don’t steal, don’t lie, and don’t hurt others. I try to help as many people as I can. I’ve made it a personal rule to give at least one person a sincere compliment everyday. I smile all the time and have been told to have an infectious laughter. Okay, I can be a little crazy—good crazy—BUT I am a genuinely nice person who believes in everyone’s innate goodness.  I’m no saint and I’m most definitely not perfect but in general, I’m pretty okay.  Sure I say cuss words now and then but, come on, these days, it’s kind of hard not to. And I don’t say it directly at people. It’s more of like an expression is all. 

I’m not saying that I’m not thankful for what I have and what has been given to me. I AM. SOOOO AM. I’m even more grateful for the wonderful people my life is surrounded with. Because what I reap from them is also tons of love.

What I’m saying is, I really believe in you, Karma.  I believe in the whole what-goes-around-comes-around bit. And growing up, my mom would always remind me that I should do to others what I want others do to me.  Simply put, if you’re good, nice things come your way.  If you’re bad, then expect the worst.  

Did I get that right, Karma?

Now I don’t want to keep you from what you should be doing so here goes--

Yesterday, I discovered a photo that turned a truth that I was told and I strongly believed in, into one big fat LIE.

If you remember, I was in a relationship sometime last year and it was a couple of months before year-end when things suddenly turned sour.  I had a hunch that there was another girl involved. (and I have met this girl.  No wonder she wasn't nice to me!)  But I was assured that nothing was going on, that they were just friends.  And because I was inlove, I decided to trust the guy more than my instincts. 

There were so many signs.A common friend of ours introduced me to her at an event and I gave her a cheerful "Hi!" and she acted like she didn't see or hear anything.  At the same event, I noticed that he hung out with her more than with me.  And he was just with her the night before.  Then there was that party at his house. We were holding hands, girl arrives, he lets go of my hand. I say hi to the girl and she gives me a blank stare. 

At a different party at his house, she was also there but she left early. We were talking about the current state of our relationship when his phone suddenly rang. He rejected the call.  Phone rings again. He rejects the call and tells me it was a patient.  It was 5 freaking A.M. Really? A patient? I should have known better.

We broke up over the phone. And if a person has call waiting, you can always tell if a person has a call coming in while you're talking to them.  I guess he isn't aware of this because while we were talking, someone else was calling him and he said to me "Can I call you back? I need to go to the bathroom."  This coming from a guy who would talk to me while he was doing #2.

Of course it's just now that I am piecing it all together.  It's only now that everything is becoming clear to me-- the harsh truth that I was played.  And what sucks is, this is not the first time he has done this to me. I should have known better.  Should have been smart enough to know that he was going to do the same thing he did to me 7 years ago.

For 2 months, he was cold and unloving and everyone who cared about me was telling me to jump ship but I stayed, hopeless romantic that I am.  (Now I realize that at that time, I was just plain hopeless).  And Karma, I have to stress that before we broke up and while we were breaking up, I asked him if there was someone else.  I asked him if he was thinking of someone else or if he was being closey-closey to anyone.  I guess I don't need to tell you his answer.

ALL THOSE LIES! Lies about him feeling that he can't commit or be in a relationship.  Lies about just wanting me to be his bestfriend.  Lies, lies, lies!

So last July 4, I saw a photo of them.  Holding hands, all chummy and happy. It was taken a month after we broke up.  Karma, do you know how he sleeps at night knowing that he lied to someone? The girl has dark rings around her eyes so at least she looks like she hasn't been sleeping for the past 10 years.

How fitting that I discovered this on the 4th of July (US Independence Day), like the universe was finally freeing me by blessing me with the answer to the one question I have been asking for the past 7 months--- WHY?

My dearest Karma, this is my plea: Please please please please put them on the top of your priority list.  I have been very very very good so I think you pretty much owe me.

I promise to be a better person. Just please grant me this request. 

Love,

Bunny

P.S.

Karma, if there's anything I can do to help you get to them quicker, let me know.
I have all the information on them you might need. Just send me an e-mail (bunnyc@gmail.com) :D