TICK TOCK

I went to see an OB-Gyne (not my personal OB, but someone who was an affiliate of my health insurance) yesterday for my annual pap smear.  She says everything down there looks fine and then I mentioned that I felt a sharp pain before my last period so she decided to also give me a transvaginal ultrasound.

OB: This is your uterus, and that's your cervix, looks healthy and clean.  This is your left ovary and this is the right one. Ang ganda ng ovaries mo! See the follicles? You have plenty! Those will turn into eggs.  You can still have many babies.
Me: Uhmm, until what age can I get pregnant?
OB: 35.
Me: Ha? I only have 1 year?
OB: 34 ka na ba?
Me: Yes.  What happens after 35?
OB: You can still get pregnant after 35 but you'll be more prone to a high risk pregnancy.

Hear that?

Yep. That is the sound of my reproductive system ticking.

I can't imagine life without my sisters. When Papa passed away and when Mama moved to the US, life was easier because I had my sisters. Back when I was younger, my sister Marby and I would always cover for each other. And even now that we don't live together anymore, that bond has never been broken.

I want Joaquin to have the same remarkable bond with a sibling.  Maybe I'm being too hard on myself when I say this, but I would feel like somewhat of a failure if I cannot give Joaquin a sibling.

And I only have one freaking year, if I want a worry-free pregnancy, that is.

Well I'm pretty darn sure it's not happening this year.  And besides, I'm not yet desperate enough to do the deed with just anyone.  I want it to be with someone who I'm inlove with--unless of course, your name is Ryan Gosling, in which case, PLEASE, i-dirty dancing mo ako before you impregnate me.

But you know, God has a plan.  And I have always trusted that His plans are good.  So if He feels that I am destined to only have Joaquin, that is fine, for as long as He gives my son friends like mine. Because the friends I keep, are very much like family to me.