LOVES DAISIES

Joaquin and I were saying our bedtime prayer last night when I suddenly burst into tears.  He couldn't see me because he was in front of me and I had my arms around him while we were praying.

When we returned to bed, my tear ducts gave way again and usually, I would just be silent and let the tears flow. But this time, I heard myself sobbing.  For a few seconds I forgot that my son was right beside me because he suddenly asked, "What's wrong, Mama?"

I smiled, wiped my tears and asked him to give me a goodnight hug and a big goodnight kiss.  My little boy is not a cuddler (like me) and he would normally just give me a quick hug, a big kiss on the lips then go to sleep.  But last night, he hugged me a little longer and while he patted my shoulder, he said "It's okay. Joaquin's here."

So I ended up crying more.

And for the first time, I allowed my son to see that I was no super mom who was insusceptible to pain.  For the first time, I allowed my son to see that I am just human.

I'll admit and I can't believe I'm actually going to put this in black and white, but this is the weakest I have been in I honestly don't know how long.  

Work usually gets me occupied and with my GM on a 2-week leave, work has been crazy crazy.  I've been working longer hours and most days, I bring more work home.  But it's not helping.  It's not making me forget. I wish I had an emotional faucet.

Last Monday, a friend saw me and asked me how I am and I cheerfully replied, "I'm okay, happy!".  She stared at me and said,  "Your eyes give you away, Buns."

Dammit.

Yesterday, 3 people asked me what I wanted for Christmas.  Sa totoo lang, isa lang naman gusto ko.  And sadly, it is not something that can be bought.  And it is something only one person can give me.

Have a good day, people.  Be happy.